I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
