My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Can Purell be used as lube?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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