Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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