Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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