I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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