I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
