Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
