I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
