it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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