The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
