But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
