I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
