I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
