my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
