I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
