so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
