make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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