This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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