so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
