Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
