Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
