Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
