i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
