So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
