i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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