He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
