sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You ruined the universe
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
