I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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