If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
