You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
