Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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