she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
