Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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