I need help removing her.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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