Just fell off a train. Bad.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize