is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
