Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
