After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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