My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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