You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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