I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
