If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ladies don't puke and tell
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
