if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
