i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
