she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
