You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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