I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
