On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I want to make a zoo with you.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
