somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
