Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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