I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
