Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
