I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
