only if we run a train.
done.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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