Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
