Are we in a gay sports bar?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
