So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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