someone threw a dead crab at me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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