I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
