You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize