So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
