My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
