I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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