my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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