Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize