i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
