I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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