If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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