last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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