would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
