M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
