PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
