Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
