Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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