Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
