the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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