don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize