i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
