we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
