You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
